My First Blog: The Result of a Closed-Minded 23 Year Old

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Many of my friends were posting an article on Facebook today written by a 23 year old blogger who came up with a list of 23 things to do besides getting married at 23. Really, all it did was show the world how bad she is at coming up with fun things to do as a single 23 year old woman, and how close-minded she is. However, I must thank her- she is the inspiration behind my very first blog!

I posted a status addressing a few of her poorly thought out suggestions, but I’ll take it a step further here, mainly because I have more space. Before I begin, I’ll let you know, I was (am) 25 when I got married. I am not for or against marrying young. I do not believe there is an “appropriate” age to get married, only an appropriate mindset. So no, I do not fall under the category of women who get married by 23. However, some of my closest friends are happily married and experiencing more with their husbands in their “cop-out” marriage than my friends who are still single.

Before I begin, I’ll share the aforementioned article: http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/ You must read it in order to understand the rest of this post.

Oh, and one last thing- someone mentioned that I am taking her list too literally and that this is simply her bucket list. Well, if this is her bucket list, then maybe she shouldn’t publish it and suggest that I do it, too. Because, well, posing naked in front of a window, will NEVER be on my bucket list. But who knows? Maybe when my marriage fails (since it inevitably will), I’ll get that passport and go pose nude in front of a window in the Red Light District. Just maybe.

1. I got a passport. I was 17. I haven’t been to every place I want to go, but if I waited to get married till after I had, I’d never get married.

2. I have found my “thing” and at the same time, I am still finding my “thing”. And I’ll probably find another “thing”. Maybe when I’m 76. Apparently finding your “thing” has an age limit. Better get a move on youngins!

3. Make out with a stranger? No. Just no. I’d rather make out with my husband.

4. I did adopt a pet. Twice. It was a horrible decision and contradicts her first idea of getting a passport (which I assume would be to travel, not just to have another form of identification). My advice? Don’t adopt anything until you’re married and have ample arrangements for times when you can’t bring them with you.

5. Start a band? Nah, that’s not my “thing”.

6. Make a cake? Really? If you’re a woman and haven’t made a cake by the time you’re 23, crawl out from under that rock.

7. I got a tattoo. I now want it covered up. Why? Because I was 18 and got it simply because I was 18. However, I cannot cover up my marriage. I can take off my ring (but I won’t), I can walk out on my husband (but I won’t because I meant the vows I said to him on August 10th), and I can pretend I’m not married, but at the end of the day, the government still has that marriage certificate that says we are, in fact, married. So now it seems my marriage is more permanent than that aforementioned tattoo.

8. I consciously choose not to explore a new religion. I am educated about other religions, but I have a relationship with Christ, and that’s what I choose. Those religions which I am not educated on, I will educate myself on in due time.

9. Starting a small business is quite possibly my “thing”, but I never would’ve been in the position to do so before 23, which is why I am starting now. At almost 26. And married.

10. If she’s referring to a major hair cut, I knocked that out when I was about 6… when I got a bowl cut.

11. Seriously, who suggests dating two people at once just to see how long it takes to blow up in your face!? For one, that’s not beneficial to anyone, including yourself. For two, maybe that’s why some people don’t marry young, or ever! Because sucky people like her suggest doing awful things like that.

12. I did build something with my hands. It’s called an education. That took a lot of hard work with my hands. And I’m sure her intended audience are those whom are well educated.

13. I’ve accomplished many Pinterest projects. Almost anything and everything is on there now, so whether you intended to or not, you probably have.

14. Joining the Peace Corp isn’t my “thing”, and I can’t take my adopted pet, so looks like this list has contradicted itself again.

15. Honey, regardless of what age I chose to get married, I disappointed my parents LONG before 23.

16. Maybe I’m naive, but what is GIRLS? And since I am openly admitting I do not know what this is, I’ll educate myself about what it is later. I may even educate my husband, too.

17. Eat an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting!? Whoa! Dream big! Personally, I’m not a fan of Nutella. I prefer Speculoo’s Crunchy Cookie Butter or Justin’s Maple Almond Butter. And if I want to eat the whole jar in one sitting, I do. I live my life on the edge. What can I say?

18. I believe my sarcastic comments and outgoing personality can, and probably do, make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.

19. I have to sign up for CrossFit before 23?? CRAP. (I missed the cutoff.)

20. Oh, another slutty idea- hang out naked in front of a window. I believe I touched on this enough in the intro to this awful list.

21. I am writing my feelings down in a blog. Unfortunately for this girl, they’re refuting hers.

22. Oh, dear. You don’t have to tell me to be selfish. I am. I always have been. I always will be. I’m human.

23. Last, but not least, going with this girl to the Philippines for the Chinese New Year sounds far worse than getting married at, or before, the age of 23.

Now that I’ve covered that, I’m sure you’re waiting for me to share a list of my own. But before I do, I feel the need to state that I truly feel that everyone is entitled to their own educated opinion, and to reinforce again that I am not against marrying young or waiting to get married. I simply believe that you should get married when you fully understand and comprehend that you will forever (for-ev-er <– name that movie!) be sharing your personal space with someone and there’s no turning back. Oh, and that if you’re going to share a list of fun things to do, make sure they’re actually fun. And worthwhile. So, here goes.

23 Things You Can Do With Your Husband Regardless of Age

1. Have safe sex, however often you want. It’s a wonderful concept.

2. Get a passport and travel- a honeymoon, or even just a vacation.

3. Run around the house naked. It’s more fun than sitting in a boring window.

4. Get a tattoo that has meaning for both of you.

5. Explore somewhere new with your best friend, instead of alone.

6. Pick up a new hobby together.

7. Start a family if you want. If you don’t, then wait.

8. Make out. At least you know where his mouth has been.

9. Decorate your house/apartment with Pinterest projects you did together.

10. Get a couples massage. Things are more fun with your best friend.

11. Sign up for CrossFit together. Or just workout together period.

12. Share an entire pint of your favorite Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting. (I like sharing because then it’s less likely that I’ll fall into that stereotype of getting fat now that I’m married.)

13. Build a future.

14. Disappoint your husband. Trust me, you won’t have to try, it’ll just happen. And then have make-up sex.

15. Bake/cook for each other. Things taste way better when they’re made for someone with love.

16. Start traditions together.

17. Travel within the United States. And when you get lost, make an adventure out of it, knowing you’re safe with your best friend.

18. Have a sleepover with him every night.

19. Go out together, have fun, come home together, and have more fun.

20. Adopt a pet. When you’re both ready. It’s easier when two people are caring for it.

21. Start a small business now that you have a confidant, companion, and faithful business partner.

22. Start a blog. Together or separately. See? You can do it when you’re married too! Crazy, I know.

23. Befriend other happily married couples.

Whatever you decide to do- marry young, marry later, marry late, or never marry- just make sure it’s right for you. And if you post a blog about things you can do instead of getting married at 23, make sure it’s not condemning those who chose to get married before 23, and make sure you list things that are actually more fun than being married to your best friend.


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772 thoughts on “My First Blog: The Result of a Closed-Minded 23 Year Old

  1. Oh I love your blog! I do not think you sounded angry in this, I think your tone was just fine and hilarious. The other blogger had a tone that made her sound like a sixteen year old princess. I truly enjoyed what you had to say! Besides, you sound well educated unlike the other blogger (regardless of what others have to say). I agree that marriage isn’t about age, but instead maturity. Thanks for a good read!

  2. This is good. A good, GOOD post. And yes, while spelling and whatnot is important, your message is far more telling than how perfect your grammar is.
    Also, I love the elements of sarcasm, and the fact that you emphasized what has been right for you, and how other individuals should do what is right for them. So thank you, for a well-thought out, humorous, fun, insightful blog post.

  3. Just as you shot down her 23 ideas, because they’re not right for you… there are plenty that will shoot this down too.. you’re both preaching against each other. Instead of backslashing a woman writing down her own thoughts, next time feel free to just ignore those that don’t apply to you

    • If you are a 23 year old woman who has not baked a cake, you should crawl out from under a rock…. hmmmm. Sexist? I believe 23 year old men should also have baked a cake. Unless of course either gender experienced homelessness, abusive/strained home lives, could not afford a cake mix/gas bill, were too busy working to support their families, suffer from disabilities, are diabetic etc…

      I get this is your point of view, but this is the 21st century. We are not all equal even though we should be. Both sides of this argument have valid points but both sides of the argument should also understand what they are arguing about. Does it really matter looking at the scheme of the entire world?

  4. I never thought I’d ever get married.. In fact I probably had the same thoughts as the 23 yr- old blogger before I met the one. I was one of those crazy 18 yr- olds preaching just like her, sleeping around, talking shit about the young married couples that I knew in high school. Until I met my husband. I am now a 20 yr old newlywed and I love it more than I ever loved being single. We have done just about everything together. Travel, adopt a cat, make a cake, craft things off of pinterest, make new friends together, try new things, and much much more. Long story short, I trust that everyone can believe what they want to believe but should never (like you said) tell other people they shouldn’t get married young. This was the best decision of my life. My best friend is always here for me, supporting me through life and vise-versa.
    I feel you couldn’t have written your blog any better! Thank you for being awesome.

  5. Agreed. Katie, you sound like someone who found their personal opinion threatened by the blogger and lashed out, just like the close-minded and immature view she is discussing. A word of advice; don’t use pet names like “sweetie” in a condescending tone when trying to refute someone’s intelligently laid-out argument. It only goes to show how low your rude blows can go.

  6. So glad you posted this! I’m 21 in a month, not married, but in a serious relationship and understand the importance of commitment. The article by the other blogger honestly annoyed me as well. She is entitled to her opinion but the way she wrote it was very judgmental of any other opinions. I am in a happy relationship with God and my boyfriend 🙂 and because of that I see the value of marriage and the beauty in it. That girl was really diminishing that. I have no age limit on when I want to get married because I know when it’s right it’s right despite the age. And, in the meantime before I get married, I do not plan on making selfish slutty goals. We are all to selfish as is and I should not make a goal to be more. And even if I was not in a loving relationship, being slutty is just not fulfilling, we are much more than just animals.
    Thanks again for posting!

  7. Erica Jordan

    I really enjoyed reading this because being condemned for wanting a steady, loyal relationship (no matter the age) is always very offensive towards me. Yes, we all can’t be so lucky to find “the one” but, if you do, is that so wrong?? Why does being married mean that you’re “tied down” and unable to achieve your goals? Why does being married at a young age mean that you aren’t a strong independent woman? Just because you can’t sleep with whoever you want and be promiscuous does not mean that the quality of your life is any worse – actually it’s probably better! It doesn’t make sense to me – why can’t you have both? I do not think one’s personal life and their success have anything to do with one another and shouldn’t be linked up. Most of the people on here who are saying that 23 is too young to be committed to someone else is probably too immature to be able to understand what that is like anyway. I am not even married, but I can understand that value in a commitment like that and I don’t understand why anyone would want to bash that; it’s a beautiful thing. My parents have been happily married since 24 years old, the same year they opened their business together, and they have had nothing but happiness in all of their years together. They are true relationship role models, and they were YOUNG. It is not the age – it is the mindset! I think wanting these kinds of things though also requires having a higher level of morals and values, something that a lot of people in the young generation have lost.. and it is very unfortunate.

  8. Not all 23 year olds are immature like everyone thinks they are. I am 23 and happily engaged to my fiancé of 6 years. In those 6 years I have worked my butt off to get where I am today. (And i didn’t need a mans help to get there) I went to school for 4 years, worked harder than I’ve ever worked, met great people along the way, studied and passed 3 state board exams with flying colors, and now have a great career to show for it! So for all those people out there that think the reason people marry so young is to “hide” behind their husband while he supports them till they die, you’re dead wrong. I am an independent hard working woman who, quite frankly, doesn’t NEED any man to support her. Ever. I got where I am today because of my own will and hard work and I am extremely proud of that.
    My now fiancé has been there for me unconditionally these past 6 years through thick and thin. And now that I have a career and can support a family with the man I love, why the hell wouldn’t I get married? That’s the next step right? I would much rather explore the world and create memories with the man I love than all alone, what fun is that? Marry when you feel it’s right. Not when society tells you to.

  9. The blog you are spitefully trashing didn’t literally mean you do the you do the 23 things (what happened to people getting a message), the message she is sending out there is to not use marriage as a safety blanket for not being courageous enough to take on the world. So if you are not using your marriage as a safety blanket, Then she was not talking about you and you should not have been too defensive of your marriage to write a blog about it. it only shows you are not very secure about your decision to marry young, cause if it were you wouldn’t have cared a bit about her opinion.

    • There really was no message from the original blogger. It was the rantings of an extremely immature individual. And this blogger did make it clear about taking it literal if you would have taken the time to read that part. And who really uses marriage as a safety net! People who want security perhaps but many MANY of us get married out of love and many make a mistake and think they are in love. But, you have to make mistakes to learn from them. “it only shows you are not very secure about your decision to marry young”….really? Her marriage sounds flippin’ fabulous and I believe she said she got married in her mid 20’s. Not 23 and younger. And really….many people “cared” about the other woman’s opinion thus all the positive responses this blogger has been given. AND…you my dear, are a hypocrite! Why do you care about this bloggers opinion? YOU wrote a response so obviously you are insecure about something. See how silly that is?

    • I’m not angry at all, well I kind of am now. How dare you call me unintelligent… I might only be 23, but I am very well educated. I worked extremely hard to get to where I am today. Went to college while working two minimum wage jobs. Studied my butt off and made it through with a 3.9 cumulative GPA (Deans list all 10 semesters).. Graduated with distict honors. Oh I was also inducted into the Phi Thetta Kappa honor society. I also had to pass not one, not two, but three state board exams (which I passed with FLYING colors.. Because I studied and worked so hard for it)
      I now work in the career of my choice, and I am extremely proud of that. So until you know someone, I wouldn’t go throwing out judgement like that. You have absolutely offended me and I do not appreciate it. I’m the kind of person that usually keeps my mouth shut but I just couldn’t this time, so please forgive me for bragging because I’m sure you think that’s what this is. In fact you probably don’t believe any of it because after all, I’m only 23 right?

  10. I’m 19, I have a boyfriend, and I don’t think about where it’s headed or not headed. There’s no reason to say “no, I won’t get married before [blank]” or to say “I HAVE to get married before [blank].” If it happens, it happens. If I want to, I’ll say yes. All in due time. And I think that’s the problem with article you’re talking about…she’s creating a marrying age, much like a drinking age or a smoking age. Except, you can’t do that. I appreciate your blog post and your opinions. 🙂 People will argue against your points because they’re too nit-picky to capture the general idea. So just ignore them. You’re giving EVERYONE a chance to make their own decision, and that’s all that matters. Good or bad, your decisions are your own, and if anyone judges you for it, then they’re just close-minded and should be ignored until they realize it.
    So, thank you!

  11. This is fabulous. Every last bit of it. I think we could be best friends. I am 22, not married or planning to be married before I turn 23… but I’m glad that there are still some intelligent people in the world who value a loving relationship, rather than just looking to act immature, slutty, and childish. You sound like a truly mature and intelligent young woman. Keep up the good work! 🙂

  12. If a woman wants to sit naked in front of a window its her choice! making out with a stranger her choice. making a bad decision with relationships by dating two people at once. HER CHOICE. you really think slut shaming is really educated? if a woman wants to wear a dress with a ton of cleavage be my guest. its her body and she can do with it what she wants. honestly these are two different lifestyles we’re talking about here. NEITHER IS WRONG. i did agree the list of things to do instead of getting engaged, was very very poorly thought out, if any real thought was put into it. I did think that you came off very angry and judgmental towards the opposing article. If people want to get married young, totally fine. cool have all the sex you want. If people are single and don’t want to get married young, totally fine. cool have all the sex you want. I think regardless if your married or not, there amazing things you can do single or married. i think by you claiming that yours are better is totally biased. Different things work for different people if we all came out of the same mold the world would suck. If the same lifestyles made everyone happy this world would be so mundane and docile. Things don’t have to be so black and white. Living in the gray is much more peaceful. I do congratulate you on finding a best friend to do those things with, that’s great, that’s what works for you. I’m 22 probably not going to get married for a while, because i want to work on myself, love myself, be best friends with myself before anyone else can do that for me.

    • Very well put. People need to let people be. What is right for one is not right for another. Finding yourself is exciting and exploring the world is fabulous. I think you can do this with yourself or with someone you love. A goof foundation of a marriage is not based on age maturity…it is how well you and your person can develop as individuals and how you can grow with eachother.

  13. My comment was replying to the claim that this blogger was acting superior because she is married, and that she is somehow promoting marriage at a young age. That part is not true or supported by your examples. What you are referring to is a different subject. The point of this blog was to reply to the original blogger, who was just as bad at saying catty things about young girls getting married (whose intensions about marriage were assumed by the author). All in all, I’d say these blogs show 2 opinions around 1 issue and if you agree with one blog, you’ll probably be offended by the other. That’s the internet for you. And I would agree, the first list wasn’t well thought out…some of the suggestions were arguably detrimental to whomever wanted to attempt them. I think there needed to be an answer to that list to show any young girls reading that standing naked in front of a window might be less liberating and more objectifying of yourself as merely a sexual object rather than person you really are (a person with real worth that extends beyond your body).

    • Actually that isn’t as far fetched as you seem to think. I too, got a tattoo at 18 and now that I’m 33, I don’t quite care for it anymore. I got it because I was 18 and could. You’re obviously mature (insert sarcasm) by showing how rude you are.

    • That was almost 8 years ago for her. She has obviously matured a lot since then. If people judged my maturity now based on things I did 8 years ago, then I would have the maturity of a child. That is not true now. I would not be getting married as a preteen, but I feel mature enough to be getting married now. A lot can happen in those years, and obviously a lot has happened in this woman’s life since she was 18.

  14. Not really sure what this blog post accomplishes besides asserting that you have different ideas of what’s fun (everyone does) and bragging about your happy but uninteresting life.

    Why you think everyone online would be interested in the scintillating details of you and your husband baking a cake together is beyond me…..

  15. aebranson13

    Although I think I know where this girl is coming from, she didn’t think out how to go about her blog post in the right way. I am 29 and I just got married in September. While I firmly believe in sharing my life together with my husband, I am glad that I waited to get married later. I did all that stupid stuff she mentioned when I was 23 and luckily my husband didn’t have to witness me at that age, but I know that marriage come at different times for different people. No judgement here. I enjoyed your blog and added it to my blog list. Keep on doing your thang, girl 🙂 I liked your wedding by the way.

  16. Appreciate your response though I would suggest being careful with the condescension. The post you are commenting on was quite condescending and rude, don’t stoop to that level. I did appreciate your take on most of it though.

    My favorite part of the other post is “Millennials deserve the opportunity to develop ourselves, alone.” Deserve? Really? How exactly does any generation group “deserve” something? Isn’t that part of the bigger issue with the post, the sense of entitlement that comes as the result of just being born to a particular family in a particular part of the world? I’m glad that the original blogger has the means to go around the world, live in different countries, enjoy higher education, drink expensive Scotch, and seriously consider how big and beautiful she wants her wedding dress to be. However she achieved the means to do all of that (I imagine some combination of mom and dad’s money and upbringing combined with her own work ethic, that’s pretty much my own story), good for her.

    But certainly she realizes that some people, many people, don’t even have the option to do these things. Lack of education, lack of money, health issues, etc.; these can limit anyone’s ability to take on many of these 23 things. Does that mean that they aren’t really living? That they have settled? Do they not “deserve” a shot at some unique experiences? Is truly living only focusing on yourself? That has not been my experience at all.

    I have developed myself significantly in the last 15 years of my marriage. My wife has challenged me, encouraged me, picked me up, called me out, and overall made me 10x the man I was when we first met. It’s not an either/or scenario…be focused on yourself and truly live or get married and “settle” and “be limited”. For some, not all, marriage is part of that process and for me, taking my eyes off of myself and putting them on my wife and her needs and her growth has actually been what has made me a better person, a fuller human being.

    Perhaps, just perhaps, always focusing on “myself” will actually limit my growth, because it forgets that people are fundamentally relational, we are hardwired for friendship, romance, etc. We seek it from birth and to some extent or another we look for it throughout our lives. When this is done in an unhealthy manner it is codependency and ugly. When this is done in a healthy manner it is the beauty of true friendship, true love.

    It’s not about what we “deserve”, entitlement will lead to a shallow life, prone to take something on (like adopting a pet only to leave it as you travel about the world) and then abandoning it at the first sign of difficulty. I would encourage that young woman to explore the world and live her life, but take a bigger view. If you are determined to be more selfish, you won’t have to work hard. If you want to grow, you might want to consider challenges and such that actually make you uncomfortable, that cause you to seek counsel and advice, that even push you to lean on another. There’s some great beauty there.

  17. I really appreciate your reply blog. I appreciate it so much, it finally made me give into creating a WP blog myself. So yes, I’m a noob because of you. 😉
    I followed you because I’m looking forward to more great insights in the future. Take care!

  18. Loved your post. A lot of what you said rings true. I think it’s really wonderful that you’re married and that you are loving it; it seems like it’s something you’ve really put a lot of thought into. And I’m glad you mentioned education because it is one of the most important pieces of each of your posts.

    That being said, there are some things that you might have missed.
    I think that Vanessa, like you, was attempting to be funny with a little sarcasm.

    You obviously have different audiences and I think it might be a wise idea to continue your education and learn about how to build women up rather than saying what they are doing is “slutty”. I don’t think she was suggesting that women stand there naked waiting for men to come scratching at their door for immediate sex-times. I think she was just suggesting that young women do something exhilarating that isn’t threatening to their own or anyone else’s life.

    I also don’t think she was saying that no one should get married young. It’s just that women will see their friends getting married and it’s just natural to feel like they should too or question what’s wrong with them if they aren’t. I believe that her post was just pointing out to the women who might not be in that place in their lives that there are other things you can do.

  19. Why do people have to get married… period. And why is it that if you DO get married you automatically are donned one day to have children? Some people have different views… dont see why the both of your see the need to shove them down our eyeballs on the internet.

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